The slumber party catalyst
by Daphne Potter
Summary: Spoilers 4x08! What where Penny's toughts after certain scene during the slumber party? This is my version. Leonard/Penny.


**HI! Well, this kinda feels like my first fanfic, and in a way it is. This's the first time I'm writing about the Big Bang Theory, but most of all this's the first time I write a story in English. (My native language is Spanish) but being a TBBT story I feel like only writing it in English someone may read it. So that been said, I'm deeply sorry for all the mistakes this may have, still I hope you enjoy it. **

**SPOILER ALERT!**

**This is sort of a missing scene from the last cap of the big bang theory, 4x08, so if you haven't seen it, this is the time for you to stop reading. It may have spoiler of other caps of season 4. So what's this about? In Last week episode we all watch the slumber party with Penny, Bernadette and Amy, so now I'm writing a little about Penny's thoughts after playing truth or dare. **

**"The Slumber party catalyst"**

She just can't believe they asked her that. And now she was hiding in her room from the rest of the world. That was so Sheldon. It was stupid. The whole situation was ridiculous, it remind her of her high school years when her friends make that kind of questions all the time, even if they weren't playing that stupid game "truth or dare". But this wasn't high school, which make it even more exasperating. It was extremely annoying to her…she just couldn't let it go…but then, recently the letting go part wasn't functioning as planned. Thanks to Amy & Bernadette to point that out too. She barely notice the sigh escaping through her lips, while the memory of the game came to her for the million time…

-Flashback-

_Bernadette: Penny, truth or dare._

_Penny: Truth._

_Bernadette: Why are you still hanging out with Leonard so much even though you broke up with him? _

_****__Amy:__ Oh, that's an excellent question. For two people who claim to be no longer para-bonded, you spend an inordinate amount of time in each other's company._

**_Bernadette:_** Yeah.

**_Penny:_** Dare.

**_Amy:_** I don't believe the rules allow for an ex post facto option change.

**_Bernadette:_** Yeah.

**_Penny:_** Okay, look, just because we're not seeing each other anymore doesn't mean we can't be friends. I mean, Leonard's a great guy.

**_Amy:_** Then why did you terminate your relationship with him?

**_Penny:_** I don't know. He got really serious, and I wasn't ready for it

**_Amy:_** Interesting. How will you react if in the future you become ready for it, and Leonard is unavailable, because another woman has realized that he is, to use your words, a great guy?

**_Penny:_** You can only ask one question.

**_Amy and Bernadette:_** That one.

**_Penny:_** You know what; I don't want to play anymore

___-End-_

And then she just ran away, just like she had done to him months ago in that bowling game. She was a coward, a big fat coward; there was nothing Nebraskian about her now, and that bugged her like anything else in the world. She, Penny, a coward…and it was his entire fault. His dam fault! He just ruined her, even though she was pretty drunk that night when she said that to him, it was true, she did believe he had ruined her. All her dates after the breakup had been a freaking disaster; and the worst part was that, being honest it wasn't as the old times, where she had a date almost every time she could with every cute guy that came along. After the disastrous date with Zack, she decided she was going to be more selective, she wasn't looking for a genius at all, but still she was trying to focus beyond looks, nevertheless, she was still single.

And so was he.

He had never been, quite successful with women, a fact that she actually love when they were dating, one thing less to worry. So he being single wasn't a total surprise, but she did know that he was trying. She could perfectly remember the time whenm Sheldon's friend, Dr. Plim-something, _alias Dr. Slut_ spent the night with Leonard, they had just broke up, and it totally felt like he was cheating, didn't he say he love her? Sure after thinking about it she understand that the night with Dr. Slut was just meaningless sex, something she couldn't say wasn't familiar to her; before, and after the breakup, but it still bothered her.

And then, she find out from Bernadette about the double date, how she had fixed Leonard to meet with one of her friends.

-_Flashback-_

_-So any good plans for tonight? Bernadette asked her in one of their breaks at work._

_-Nope, just TV, ice cream, perhaps Asian food with the guys…What about you?_

_-I'm going out with Howard…we're having a double date. _

_-Really? He's trying to find someone for Raj or what? Can't believe you're doing it for it one your friends._

_-No for Raj, it's for Leonard, Howard asked me that favor and... you remember? That's how Howard and I met. So I wasn't going to say "no"… does it bother you? _

_-Of course not, we're just friends; actually I'm pretty happy for him, yeip._

_But the look Bernadette gave to her was proving that she wasn't fooling her at all._

_-End-_

No wonder, why Bernadette was asking so many questions and why she was so willing to side with Amy while playing truth or dare.

Why does she care? It was just him trying to move on, the same as her. So she shouldn't be upset about it, he hadn't mention to her, about the freaking double date, nor she had ask. She just could make assumptions, it seemed very close to relief what she experienced when she concluded that his date with Bernadette's friend lead to nowhere, since as far as she could tell, there wasn't a second date, nor she had weird encounters in the hallway with a new girl. That make her glad again for a moment… until Amy's last words came back to her mind, _how would she react?_

She couldn't picture it, she just didn't want to think about it, and she just wanted to believe that was not a possibility, after all how long had it take them to begin a relationship? Two years, but that was because of her. What if Leonard hooked up with a girl like him? Someone like that girl Leslie that worked with him, a girl that was everything she was not, graduated, with a PH.D., just as smart as him, with more things in common with him, that she could ever had. That could just happen one of these days. And she didn't know how to face it.

She wasn't sure about her feelings about him, like just before he went to the North Pole. That time she was extremely unsure, and finally she decided she was going to try. And it was worthy, for eight months she experienced something she never had, what is was to have a relationship with someone trustworthy, loyal , that did care for her. It was beyond her expectations, and then he said it…"The L word", he love her, and being Leonard, she know it was true, he believe it, he felt it that way. And it was just too much for her. Perhaps to any of her ex's she had replied immediately I love you too, it wasn't the same kind of I love you, it wasn't the real type of I love you. Leonard's was.

He didn't deserve any doubts, and for that reason, they must part, until she decides what love, the real one, is for she, she needed the time. It was a risky move, perhaps both of them find someone else during that time, but back when they breakup she dismissed the thought, if that happens, then she would find her answer, it was no love.

But now, she realized something, deep down inside she always believe, that even if they weren't seeing each other, he would wait for her. What if he didn't wait? What if he moved on? After all he was fully convinced that she was never going to care for him in a way different than a good friend. She had made him believe so.

It was a total mess, and it was her fault. And now she knew, time to figure it out, was no endlessly.

For a second, she think with bitterness, that the irony of it was that perhaps, being fair to him, putting him away of her unsure feelings, trying to protect him of them, was just the prove, that she did love him. Only time had the answer, but now she was ready to think of it, no more running away of her thoughts.

Guess truth or dare, has its unexpected benefits.

**A/N: So this it, It ended out quite differently than I had expected. I got the feeling I rabble too much, but it's kind of a mess trying to be in Penny's head, there are just many alternatives of what she may be thinking or feeling, I went just with I would like to believe. Hope you like, or at least, don't hate it. All reviews are welcome! **

**Finally, again sorry for all the mistakes, this may have. But I don't have any beta-reader.**

**See you next time.**


End file.
